"You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."
"When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape." Comedians also give funny advice on parenting that all dads should take to heart.
"I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother."
"My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic."
"Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear."
"Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business."
"Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive."
"We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'"
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. "
Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.