22 Funny Mom Stories That Will Make Your Family Feel a Little More Normal
Fact: If you have a mom, you have an embarrassing mom story. Here, 22 'Reader's Digest' readers share the funniest, sassiest, and most ridiculous things their mothers ever did.
'I Know CPR!'
My mother had just finished taking a CPR class at a local college when she and I were in the mall and saw a big crowd gathered around a still body. Mom took off running at a speed I didn’t know she could muster, yelling, “Everyone back! I know CPR!” Just as she threw herself next to the body and was about to begin, a pair of strong hands pulled her to her feet. “Ma’am,” said a police officer beside her, “we are trying to arrest this man.” —Talea Torres
Weight Loss Contest
Mother and I were discussing our mutual weight problem one evening, when I challenged her to a contest. If I lost the most weight in the next month, I wouldn’t have to pay her the $6 that I owed her. If she lost the most weight, I would have to pay up. “All right,” Mom agreed, “but let’s wait two weeks before we start. There are some things I have to eat first.” —Irene Lane
What's Your Real Age?
My friend Emily and her mother bumped into an old family acquaintance on the street. “Is this your daughter?” the woman asked. “I remember her when she was this high! How old is she now?” Without pausing, Emily’s mom said, “24.” Emily, 35, nearly fainted on the spot. When the woman left, Emily asked her mom why she told such a whopper. “Emily,” her mother replied, “I’ve been lying about my age for so long, it suddenly dawned on me that I’d have to start lying about yours too.” —Robert Lee Whitmire
Time for Botox
“Keep making that face and it’s going to freeze that way,” was what my mother used to say to us as kids. I knew times had changed recently when she caught my sister scowling and warned, “Keep making that face and you’re going to need Botox.” —Mary Bouck
Mom had a small decorative windmill in her yard. A storm broke one of the blades, causing the windmill to shake violently. Dad announced that he would “take care of it” and rebalanced the windmill by snapping off the opposing blade. Watching him, Mom remarked, “I hope I never break a leg.” —Gerald Loffredo
A Smoking Gun
While rummaging through her attic, my friend Kathryn found an old shotgun. Unsure about how to dispose of it, she called her parents. “Take it to the police station,” her mother suggested. My friend agreed and was about to hang up when her mother added, “Oh, and Kathryn? Call first.” —Karen Whedon
Meeting the Daughter-in-Law
My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited over three other female friends as well and didn’t tell his mom which one he intended to marry. After the four women left, he asked his mother, "Can you guess which one I want to marry?"
"The one with short hair."
"Yes! How’d you know?"
"Because that’s the one I didn’t like." —Fatima Farhat
Mom on Gardening
I can’t tell the difference between a rose and a dandelion. So when it came time to fix up my garden, I had no clue which plants to keep and which ones to remove. Until, that is, my mother gave me this handy tip: "Pull them all up. If it comes back, it’s a weed." —Cy Coggins
An Anti-Smoking PSA
A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?”
“No,” I replied, “I’ve got a cold and I can’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”
“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.” —Ian A. Hammel
Her Native Tongue
Although I am of Chinese descent, I never really learned to speak Chinese. One evening, I came home boasting about a wonderful meal I’d had in Chinatown. I couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant, but wrote down the Chinese character on the door to show to my mother. “Do you know what it says?” Mom asked with a smile. “It says ‘Pull.’” —Barbara Mao