6 Funny Poems That Will Perk Up Your Day
In honor of #NationalPoetryMonth, we present these top funny poems from the 2015 Reader’s Digest Poetry Contest, all guaranteed to crack a smile.
Three Baby Frogs
Three baby frogs grandma said not to bother
but we were only eight, and we couldn’t wait to teach them tricks
so we dipped them in some paint.
We followed the little white dots into the garden
where we found them resting by the squash and leaning on the broccoli
and belly-up under the turnips with remnants of our Picasso’s on their tiny backs
and scared to death they’d peed on us and grandma would see
and know somehow we were murderers, Jeannie and me.
By Gwendolyn Poliszczuk
Check out the other winners of the 2015 Reader’s Digest Poetry Contest
A fruit is fated to be sliced.
It sings before the blade,
In joyful hope that now at last
It’s future has been made.
The slice is swift.
The foodie’s fast!
The rind is cut and saved.
The pulp is squooshed and
Squished and smashed! –
I’ve heard that it’s been said
No braver lemon gave it’s life.
The memory never fades
For citrus that resigns itself
To become lemonade.
By Fawn Power
Confessions of a Killer
Few suspect my double life, ‘twould make a dandy thriller.
My poker face does not reflect the fact that I’m a killer.
I’m not your average murderess — deceptive nomenclature.
My victims are botanical. (They’re of a plant-like nature.)
My methods are diversified but always I’m discreet.
I subtly assassinate each struggling sprout I meet.
Drowning often does them in but then sometimes it’s drought.
Frequently it’s too much shade that snuffs their young lives out.
Begonias are my favorite prey. They never live to tell.
Impatiens die before their time. I guess it’s just as well.
So never leave your plants with me – this message I implore —
Or else your healthy Wandering Jew won’t wander any more.
By Lois Corcoran
Right of Way
The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab crab went to the side.
By Jeffrey Krise
A Yupik Elder asked me once of an illness he had found
Affecting all the Gussuck folk that he had been around.
“Why do they chase the dollar so? What is this strange disease?
Whatever are they striving for? What does it take to please?’
I answered that I did not know the causes nor the cure.
But Affluenza is the name and its an ill for sure.
He looked at me with wisdom’s eye and shared his culture’s lore.
“Money’s like fish, when you run out, go out and catch some more.”
He paused and added with a smile, “Too much can lead to strife,
Money’s like fish, you have too much–it spoils, stinks up your life.”
By Paul Berg
I hang my clothes on the door handle, slip the robe from its hook.
A prisoner refusing a blindfold, I don’t bother with the sash,
The room is brighter than before.
A large easy chair waits.
I sit like someone at a job interview.
We discuss arms, legs, torso, head
and arrive somewhere between sitting and reclining.
He takes a brush, dabs at a palette,
regards my body as though it’s an equation to be solved.
His gaze is neutral, uncritical.
I might be a vase of flowers, a bowl of fruit,
a just-killed rabbit.
Easier to bare your body than your soul or your heart.
Thinking of sunflowers and apples, I relax into my pose.
By Sarah Barnett
Next, check out some funny limericks that will make you sound smart.