16 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes to Share Around the Table

Gobble them up!

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Q: What's the traditional way to celebrate?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." —Jon Stewart

Here are some lies you've been told about Thanksgiving and the Pilgrims.

(Looking for a stress-free Thanksgiving? Get our FREE guide for an unforgettable Thanksgiving. You'll get easy recipes, kid-friendly crafts and games, inspiring traditions, and more ideas for the best holiday yet.)

Q: What's the #1 lesson of Thanksgiving?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." —Johnny Carson

Avoid a Thanksgiving like this by staying away from these 10 topics of conversation.

Q: What to do with leftovers?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out." —Nicole Hollander 

Don't let these funny Thanksgiving quotes fool you: there are plenty of great recipes for Thanksgiving leftovers.

Q: Where's the worst place to be on Thanksgiving?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants." —Kevin James  

Here's how to binge-eat as much as possible on Thanksgiving.

Q: How do you stuff your bird?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak." —Phyllis Diller   

You may know not to do that, but you'll probably make these Thanksgiving mistakes this year.

Q: How can you best celebrate the day after Thanksgiving?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online." —Kumail Nanjiani   

Here's how to avoid major stress on Black Friday.

Q: How much gravy is too much?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." —Erma Bombeck  

Here's how to make an easy, delicious, gravy, plus answers to 19 other big Thanksgiving questions.

Q: What do we do on Thanksgiving?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?’" —Jim Gaffigan   

Here are 15 tips for keeping your sanity if you're hosting Thanksgiving.

Q: How do Canadians celebrate in America?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that." —Howie Mandel

Q: Too much turkey?

Funny-Thanksgiving-QuotesTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com, shutterstock"If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself." —Mitch Hedberg   

Watch out for these 7 myths about turkeys that could ruin your Thanksgiving.

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