23 ‘Harry Potter’ Jokes Every Muggle Should Know
How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
Chapter One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Groan
Professor Quirrell walks into a bar, unwraps his turban, and presents the Dark Lord’s face to the barman. The Dark Lord orders a beer.
“Sorry, can’t serve you,” the barman says. “You’re already out of your head.” Lovers of Harry Potter jokes will also enjoy reading the most motivational J. K. Rowling quotes.
Q. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
A. Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.
Q. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?
A. Because he only has followers, not friends. Check out some more silly jokes about computers and technology.
Q. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
A. Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Q. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?
A. Up his sleeve-y! The biggest bookworm fans of these Harry Potter jokes will also appreciate these grammar jokes for unashamed word nerds.
Q. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?
A. Because he can’t control his pupils.
You know who?
Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA! Check out some more of our favorite knock-knock jokes.
Chapter Two: Harry Potter and the Pub-Joke Prince
The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”
Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner. Here are some more funny bar jokes anyone can remember.
A wizard walks into a pub…
…and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?”
Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub…
The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”
The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
A Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head Inn…
…with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?”
“London,” the frog croaks. “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”
Q. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?
A. A mechanic.
Q. Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
A. So you’ll never know which side he’s on. Do you know the hidden meaning of Snape’s first words to Harry?
Chapter Three: Harry Potter and the Puns That Were Too Bad to List at the Top of This Page
Madam Hooch walks into a pub. The barkeep says, “Hey, we have booze named after you!”
Hooch beams. “You have a drink named Rolanda?”
Q. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?
A. They’re both cauld ron. Find out what the Harry Potter movie cast really thought about their costumes.
Q. Which side of a centaur has more hair?
A. The outside.
Q. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?
A. Because she gives him hugs and hisses. Fans of these punny Harry Potter jokes will love these corny jokes to give everyone a laugh.
Q. Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?
A. Because he has a Longbottom.
Q. Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?
A. Because he’s a double-crosser. If these Harry Potter jokes are going over your head, the series might be on your list of books everyone lies about reading.
Q. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?
Q. How do you get a mythical creature into your house?
A. Through the Gryffindor.