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17 Horse Jokes You Can’t Help but Laugh At

Pony up! Quit stalling and check out these equestrian gags for unbridled laughs.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

What Do You Call an Amish Guy ...

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic

We don't horse around when it comes to horse jokes.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

The Talking Horse

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”

The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”

The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

Why the long face? Cheer up with these food jokes that everyone will find funny.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

A Case of the Plastic Horses

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him?

The doctor described his condition as stable.

Can't get enough horse jokes? Check out our entire collection of funny animal jokes.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

The Fallen Horse

Q: What did the horse say when it fell?

A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

A Most Impressive Horse

A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.

“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

The Meaning of Horseshoes

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?

A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

A Pony Problem

A pony goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I think I’m dying. I have this terrible sore throat."

The doctor assures him, "It's okay—you’re just a little horse."

The best horse jokes always include a pun. Check out these 14 hilarious pun cartoons that never get old.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

The Horse and the Movie Theater

A horse sits down in a movie theater and the woman next to him asks, "Excuse me… are you a horse?”

"Why yes, I am," replies the horse.

"What are you doing at this movie?"

The horse says, “I really liked the book."

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

Horses and Giraffes and Lions, Oh My

Q: You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe right beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do?

A: Get off the carousel and sober up.

iStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Kapotes/

The Desperado's Horse

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.”

The locals murmur uneasily as the Desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the Desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?”

The Desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”

Check out these 15 witty bar jokes anyone can remember.

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest