9 Reasons Why So Many People Secretly Hate Peeps
There are two kind of people: Those who stock up on Peeps, and those who simply can’t stand them. Which one are you?
Their texture makes no sense
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Like any other holiday, Easter is known for some candies that everyone secretly hates. The worst of these is Peeps. First off, they’ve got a hard outer coating of sugar and mysterious food dye, but a gooey, gelatinous inside. Those two things are on completely opposite ends of the food texture spectrum. When combined, all you’re left with is a questionable aesthetic and confusion.
They’re too sticky
One does not simply take a bite of a Peep. You violently rip it apart with your teeth because it’s the only way to separate that unbelievably sticky marshmallow. So eating them is basically tearing into cute, innocent chicks and bunnies. Like a monster. Here’s why bunnies are so popular for Easter.
They’re little pieces of sugar overload
Who would put Splenda on a marshmallow? The creator of Peeps, that’s who, because that’s basically what a Peep is. If can’t get enough of the taste, you might need to look into your sugar addiction.
They don’t actually taste that good
Sure, Peeps come in different colors, but those colors all have the same taste: stale goo, even when they’re not actually stale. And if a sizable amount of the Peep-consuming population thinks they taste best when they are stale, they probably just shouldn’t be eaten.
They ruin the good name of marshmallows
We don’t give marshmallows enough credit. They are the reason we have s’mores and beloved childhood memories of roasting marshmallows around a campfire. They work as edible glue and impromptu frosting, among other surprising uses. So chin up, marshmallows. Don’t let those Peeps get you down.
They’re like cockroaches
Peeps. Never. Die. They last for months after Easter, and for some reason people will still eat them. You can kill cockroaches with WD-40, but Peeps? They will still be there. Leering at you. And speaking of leering…
They follow you
With their beady, unblinking eyes made out of God knows what. They will not stop staring, silently judging, making you question your life choices—until you devour them mercilessly. Possibly the only good thing about eating Peeps.
They have “pee” in their name
That alone should make you question your Easter candy choices.
They have stolen identities
Chocolate bunnies actually look like bunnies. Peep bunnies look like poorly conceived snowmen. As for the so-called “chicks,” they’re more like blobs leaning back on a surfboard—or cousins of the poop emoji.