30 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember
For when you need the laughs to come fast.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
I invented a new word!Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. (If you got a laugh from this, check out these other math jokes.)
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Because every play has a cast. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
Knock! Knock!Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?” (Don’t miss these other hilarious knock-knock jokes.)
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
(If you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius.)
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
He just needed a little space. (Don’t miss these other science jokes every nerd will appreciate.)
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Because they make up everything. Here are some more of our favorite chemistry jokes ever.
Why did the chicken go to the séance?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
To get to the other side.
Where are average things manufactured?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
(These are our favorite jokes of all time.)
How do you drown a hipster?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Throw him in the mainstream.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
A nervous wreck.
What does a nosy pepper do?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Gets jalapeño business!
How does Moses make tea?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
They always take things literally.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Put lox on it.
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Because you should never drink and derive.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
A receding hare-line.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
Check out the favorite hilarious jokes of famous comedy writers.
What’s the different between a cat and a comma?Tatiana Ayazo / Rd.com
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
It’s two gross.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
“Curses! Foil again!”
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?Tatiana Ayazo /Rd.com
Thanks— I’ll never part with it!