30 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

For when you need the laughs to come fast.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

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I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

I invented a new word!

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Plagiarism!

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

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He'll stop at nothing to avoid them. (If you got a laugh from this, check out these other math jokes.)

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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"

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Because every play has a cast. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

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"Get out of here!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type."

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

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Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

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Knock! Knock!

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Who's there? Control Freak. Con... Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?" (Don't miss these other hilarious knock-knock jokes.)

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

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There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

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"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

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A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and ... cola."

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"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? (If you laugh at these dark jokes, you're probably a genius.)  

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com He just needed a little space.

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Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Because they make up everything. (Don't miss these other science jokes every nerd will appreciate.)

Why did the chicken go to the séance?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com To get to the other side.

Where are average things manufactured?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com The satisfactory. (These are our favorite jokes of all time.)

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How do you drown a hipster?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Throw him in the mainstream.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com A nervous wreck.

What does a nosy pepper do?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Gets jalapeño business!

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How does Moses make tea?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com He brews.

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com They always take things literally.

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Put lox on it.

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A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Diddly-squats.

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Because you should never drink and derive.

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What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com A receding hare-line.

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo / Rd.com A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

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Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com It’s two gross.

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com “Curses! Foil again!”

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Short-Jokes-Anyone-Can-RememberTatiana Ayazo /Rd.com Thanks— I’ll never part with it!

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