A good comedy ends in marriage—and a good marriage should be full of comedy. Whether you are the bride or groom, a best man or maid of honor, or simply the sort of friend or relative who can't resist the chance to speak your heart and mind (that is, drunk), the greatest gift you can bring to any wedding ceremony is a well-rehearsed wedding speech that is light, fun, and hopeful. Leave the tired gags about bossy wives or disloyal husbands at the door, and peg your thoughts instead to that one form of humor all wedding guests can revel in: stupid, stupid puns. (While you're at it, don't miss these even funnier jokes about married life.)
Below, find 26 short wedding puns guaranteed to make even grandma laugh—plus a smattering of funny marriage quotes that don't once use the phrase "mother-in-law" to get a laugh. Congratulations, and cheers!
14 speech-worthy wedding puns for any crowd:
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
Two cannon balls got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.
Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage.
I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot.
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.
Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb? He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”