If you love turkey
You are a patient person. Fools who argue over dark meat or light have missed the point: a turkey dinner is one worth waiting for, especially if that wait includes football. You believe in second helpings, and second chances. Nobody needs to explain to you how each November a gobbling punchline suddenly turns majestic, widely beloved, and the vivacious golden-brown hue of a Florida bachelor. (But: Don't mess up the turkey! Get our FREE guide for an unforgettable Thanksgiving. You'll get easy recipes, kid-friendly crafts and games, inspiring traditions, and more ideas for the best holiday yet.)
If you love mashed potatoes
It's perhaps the most popular side dish on the table, but that doesn't make you a conformist. Consider these potato preferences…WITH gravy: You are more concerned with immediate happiness than future consequences. WITHOUT gravy: You may feel you aren't entitled to true satisfaction, thanks to some imaginary, parent-instilled inadequacy from your youth—or maybe that's just indigestion. ONLY gravy: You have a very good relationship with your cardiologist.
If you love stuffing
The coziest side dish on the table often appeals to the emotionally vulnerable. You never miss Thanksgiving at Mom's (even though she can be a bit, well, stufficating). Drawn to warm, sheltered places, even the most content stuffing-lover may still be looking for that metaphorical "missing turkey" in his life. (Related: Here are the best and worst Thanksgiving foods for your weight.)
If you love sweet-potato casserole
At once dessert and dinner, sweet potato casserole is a paradoxical dish, and you are a paradoxical soul. You are self-indulgent, and yet self-improving, like a marathon runner with a pocket full of Twinkies. You are all about the blurred lines. It may be a cliché, but you truly do want to have your cake and eat kale too.
If you love cranberry sauce
You may be tart, but you'd rather boil your problems in sugar than deal with them straight up. If you prefer the jelled kind, just know that everyone thinks you secretly belong at the kids' table.
If you love green beans
Like the bean itself, you are thin in profile, like to "keep it green" (environmentally and fiscally), and are a great source of riboflavin, whatever that is. Beanophiles are 53 percent more likely than others to decline a second helping of food at Thanksgiving, making everyone around them 80 percent more likely to feel greedy and gluttonous.
If you love alcohol
You are in for a rough, rough Christmas.