Allard One/ShutterstockWhen a visitor to a town in Alabama spotted a dog attacking a boy, he grabbed the animal and throttled it with his bare hands. An impressed reporter saw the incident and told him the next day's headline would scream "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
"I'm not from this town," said the hero.
"Then," the reporter said, "it will say 'Alabama Man Saves Child by Killing Dog.'"
"Actually," said the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
"In that case," the reporter grumbled, "the headline will be 'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'"
Check out these short jokes that anyone can remember.
fon thachakul/ShutterstockAn Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"
fotomak/ShutterstockIt's so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.
Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockAn Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver asks, "'Bout what?"
Teri Virbickis/ShutterstockThe Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps. So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them. The mountain lion's yelling, "OK! OK! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
These hilarious dad jokes will have you laughing until you cry.
Paul Brady Photography/ShutterstockHow do you know you're in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.
Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWhat's the difference between Massachusetts and Connecticut? The Kennedys don't own Connecticut.
Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockA DuPont chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" says the pharmacist.
"That's it! I can never remember that word."
Vlad G/ShutterstockMy parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. —Jerry Seinfeld
Sue Smith/ShutterstockHow do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with "Go down Peachtree ..." and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House ..."
If you have this phobia, you actually don't know how to take a joke.