Ask someone you know for a referral
Therapists are a dime a dozen, but finding a good therapist is a diamond in the rough. Referrals from people you trust may be one of the best ways to help you eliminate the duds and find your therapist-in-shining-armor. Feel free to ask your friends, family, or even your doctor because no one knows you better than they do. Try these tips for finding a doctor you can trust
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Take a look at their credentials
Scouring the Internet for a therapist is like swiping through a dating app looking for the perfect match; you’ve got to sift through a lot of phonies first before you find the real deal. Fortunately, many therapists have their own websites or LinkedIn profiles where you can skim through their biography and resume to verify their years of experience and make sure their certifications are from an accredited institution. “If there are letters after their last name that I’m not sure what they mean, I would Google them to find out what that is,” says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a psychologist in New York City. “A lot of the time therapists just want to put a long string of letters after their name because it sounds impressive to people, but when we Google what those letters are they actually mean very little.” As you conduct your research, you’ll start being able to spot the fake “therapists” from the legitimate ones. Other signs of a good health-care professional besides certifications include experience and easy accessibility
Conduct a phone interview
Before you invest all your time and money in going to a therapist’s office, try a phone interview first. For some people, a phone call is a simple way to connect with a prospective therapist before that initial face-to-face interaction. “That phone conversation is important,” says Sari Cooper, therapist and director of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City. “In my practice, we do phone intakes so we can get to know the person and see if we’re the right fit.” Phone calls help you gauge what the therapist is like because you can hear their voice, listen to their tone or speaking pace, and are able to ask introductory questions about their professional background or what they specialize in. It’s a great opportunity to determine if you could envision yourself talking to this person for 45 minutes each week.
Find someone who has experience working with people like you
It’s easier to open up to someone who can relate to you in regards to your age, religious beliefs, or cultural values, or understands how to handle issues from working with similar patients in the past. “For instance, I’ve had some people come into my practice and ask, ‘Have you worked with Jewish couples?’” says Cooper. “It’s important to them that I understand the issues around their culture.” Ask your prospective therapist about their work experiences and if they can’t answer your question directly, that may be a sign that they’re not a good fit. Respect and honesty are two other important qualities you look for in a doctor
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Set goals in the first session
An easy clue you’ve found the right therapist is if they have “treatment” goals that align with yours. Goal setting is an important first step to ensure that you both are on the same page about issues you want to focus on. “I like to set goals that we both agree on to be very clear about the work that we are going to be doing,” says Angela Londoño-McConnell, PhD, psychologist and president of AK Counseling & Consulting, Inc., in Watkinsville, Georgia. Discussing your personal goals with a therapist helps you learn about their therapeutic approaches to your problems and whether you two are a fit. A few daily mantras couldn't hurt either for achieving your goals
Make sure you’re comfortable
Therapy is designed to be a confidential space for you to talk freely without being judged, so you should feel at ease sitting across from them on the couch. “[Therapy] needs to be a place where people are going to be able to openly talk about everything that’s on their mind,” says Anthony Tasso, PhD, ABPP, clinical psychologist in Whippany, New Jersey. “Therefore, it’s crucial that the therapist works to create a safe, secure environment to explore such feelings.” If you leave a therapy session feeling judged or ridiculed by your therapist, then it may be time to part ways and continue your search for a therapist that better fits your needs.
Take a quick look around their office
As you take your first step into their practice, take a moment to observe the therapist’s office environment. Are there stacks of paperwork strewn all over their desk? Are old office plants rotting away in a vase? If so, these could be clues that the therapist is disorganized or scatterbrained in their own professional life, which may make it hard for you to open up about your own career goals. You want a therapist who has their ducks in a row and can offer you sound, valuable advice. “I’ve been surprised by the quality of some therapists’ offices,” says Dr. Carmichael. “Every session should lead you to organization, preparedness, energy, and wellness; if the person’s physical environment doesn’t communicate those things, I would be cautious of that.” If your therapist is a slob, try suggesting these easy tips for decluttering their desk
Observe how they dress
First impressions mean everything on a first date, job interview, and even during a therapy session. You want a therapist who looks polished and well-groomed, not someone who looks like they threw on an outfit from their dirty laundry basket. “You have to ask yourself if is this someone I can picture myself having a relationship with week in and week out,” says Rachel Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Sussman Counseling in New York City. A therapist should look like someone you’d want to approach at a cocktail party not avoid like the plague. Pants that drag, discolored clothing, and lint are just a few outfit mistakes that may make your therapist look messy
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Watch their body language
The last thing you want is your therapist staring at the clock or zoning out in their chair while you’re sharing your deepest, most personal inner thoughts. It’s important to find a therapist who will actively engage with you similar to how an attentive friend would. Nods of the head, eye contact, writing notes, and asking relevant questions that dig deeper into the root of your problems are a few telltale signs that your therapist is listening to you. “If I were to see someone and they weren’t having eye contact with me, I would think this is weird,” says Sussman. A therapist who smiles who gestures with their palms open can also help them build a better relationship with you
Don’t be afraid to ask them what they think
Therapists are constantly asking you about your thoughts on your life experiences, so don’t be afraid to turn the tables on them and ask them for their input. “If there’s any question in your mind about whether they’re listening to you, you need to find out right away,” says Dr. Carmichael. “[You could say something like,] ‘I see you nodding your head, can you tell me what you think about what I’m saying.’” You want a therapist who will chime in with excellent, thought-provoking advice when you need them to. Here's a list of a few things doctors are too afraid to say to your face
Don’t feel pressured to pick the first therapist you meet
Think of choosing a therapist like dating. Keep your options open and meet a few different people before you make your final decision. Even better, consult with your parent, spouse, or friend to help you figure out who fits your wants and needs best. “I always caution prospective patients that when you’re having a consultation they should not feel pressured by the therapist to discuss certain topics before they are ready,” says Dr. Tasso. “I always feel it’s a bit of a warning sign when a therapist says, ‘Let’s hurry and have a follow up’ or ‘we must address this topic immediately.’”You want some alone time to reflect and make the best choice for you without the pressure of a therapist implicitly yelling, “Pick me! Pick me!”
Give yourself more than one therapist session to get comfortable
Change doesn’t miraculously happen overnight. Therapy takes time and work to get where you want to be emotionally and mentally. For therapy novices, the first session is always a bit nerve-racking, but don’t let those first time jitters scare you away before you give them a chance. “If there’s a lot going on it may be difficult to get the actual therapy work right at first,” says Dr. Londoño-McConnell. “We [may] need to stabilize a crisis, get resources for this person, or get a good clinical picture first.” Give your potential therapist at least three to five sessions before calling it quits and looking elsewhere.
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Ask yourself if you’re the issue
As hard as it is to accept, you may be the one sabotaging your chances of having a productive therapy session, not your therapist. “I think it’s important for a patient to be able to say, 'I’m starting to feel less comfortable being here,' which allows the therapist and patient to determine if it’s the normal process of resistance or if the therapist is pushing the patient before he or she is ready,” says Dr. Tasso. “As you start to hit on some core themes, there’s frequently a part of us we are not aware of that says, ‘Oh, this is a little bit uncomfortable.’” Therapy is supposed to challenge you. Be willing to take a step out of your comfort zone to work through major obstacles before you get to the easy stuff. Keep an eye out for these tell-tale signs that you're the toxic one in the relationship