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Do you live in the Nicest Place in America?

First Lines To Fake Novels

If you’re a fan of lousy literature, you’re in luck: Here are two 
intentionally bad first lines of nonexistent novels.

As he caressed her hair, cheek, forehead, chin, collarbone, shoulder, upper arm, and 
stomach, she knew that her 
decision to take Octoman as 
a lover was the correct one.    L. C.

If Vicky Walters had known 
that ordering an extra shot of espresso in her grande non-fat sugar free one pump raspberry syrup two pumps vanilla syrup soy latte that Wednesday would lead to her death and subsequent rebirth as a vampire, she probably would have at least gotten whipped cream.    M. C.

From the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest