I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Submitted by Adam Joshua Smargon, Newark, Delaware
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An aye for an aye makes the whole world pirates.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
My friend is a procrastinator. He’s afraid of Saturday the 14th.
What do you call a rap star who has studied classical music? Yo Yo Ma Ma.
I’m writing my book in fifth person, so
every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …”
Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
I think one reason babies cry on planes is because flying sucks, and babies aren’t liars like you and me.
My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.