I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy foods out of my hand.
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I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 9 cookies.
When someone tells me I gained weight, I just say I’m in the process of westward expansion.
I gave up jogging for health reasons.
My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?
She heard you could get thinner there.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can’t have any more food. I’m just never ready for that kind of commitment.
Don’t forget, you are what you eat….
I need to eat a skinny person.
I wanted to work out…but then I wanted to not work out even more.
All my life I thought air was free… until I bought a bag of chips.