Can You Hear Me Now?

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

—Kristen Schaal

Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage.

—Mindy Kaling

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin

“One can play at this game …” —me to my computer solitaire.

—@meganamram

No, I’m not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season.

@sassycurmudgeon (Una LaMarche)

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

—George Carlin

I have clean conscience. I haven’t used it once till now.

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets.

—Mel Brooks