You Can’t Forget That Face

I have fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen. That’s why I can’t lose weight.

Why spend $80 on a swimsuit when you can buy 320 chicken nuggets.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror.  Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.

Diet tip: Your pants won’t get too tight if you don’t wear any.

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!

I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—@sbellelauren

Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?

A: “Bad hunter!”