Things just aren't going to work out between us. It's not you, it's me. You are tasteless, boring, and I can't stop cheating on you.
Become more interesting every week!
Get our Read Up newsletter
Thanks! You're on our list.
And your life's about to get more interesting.
I finally heard some good news. I’m not overweight. I’m undertall. What a relief!
Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand.
My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?” —@KerryKatona7
Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He’ll dessert you.
Why spend $80 on a swimsuit when you can buy 320 chicken nuggets.
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.