The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
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Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
A: It hasn’t been tested on mice.
I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
“I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.”—@sbellelauren
I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
Q: What do vegan zombies eat?
“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”
Every time I make plans to eat better, I can hear my stomach laughing.
My brain said “crunches” but my stomach auto-corrected it to “cupcakes.”