Get Thrown Out
A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.
More Jokes
How Low Can You Go?
I tell people I’m on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.
Stephen Colbert
Caveman Diet
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!
The Diet Wagon
When someone asks me if I quit my diet… not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy Twinkies.
A serious medical condition
It’s hard to lose weight when you have an overactive knife and fork.
You Can’t Forget That Face
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.
Nacho Diet
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying “I ate nachos,” I say “I accidentally ate nachos.”
Healthy as a Horse
Why are most horses in shape? Because they are on a stable diet.
