Don’t Watch Others Eat

1. Read about new diet
2. Spend $300 on vegetables
3. Commit publicly to diet on FB
4. Dive head first into plate of bacon

Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?

Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!

My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh.

The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

Q. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A. A beer in each hand.

Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?