The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
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Why are most horses in shape? Because they are on a stable diet.
Q. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.
My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh.
“If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting.”—@JimGaffigan
You have a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Slim-Fast for lunch; then, you eat a “sensible dinner.” How sensible are you going to be after eating powder all day?
One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.
What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale? A balanced meal.
Diet tip: Your pants won’t get too tight if you don’t wear any.