Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”
@ElizaBayne
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant… Read More
“I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
—Aaron Karo, on ruminations.com
These words are so joining our vocabulary in 2016!
Chairdrobe (n.): piling clothes on a chair in place of a closet or dresser.
Epiphanot (n.): an idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver but is in fact pointless, … Read More
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
G. M., via e-mail
I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.—Jack Benny
Did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, they spell "THEIRS"?
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
“The New York City Department of Education says that only 26 percent of the city’s students in grades three through eight passed the English portion on a recent standardized test. But on the bright side, they’re too bad at math to … Read More
