In Defense of Football
Anyone who’s just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.
• There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She got her own TLC show. The end. —Ryan Anderson (@kolchak)
• I have never worked out the moral to Humpty Dumpty. Is it, “Don’t let horses perform medical procedures”? —Ricky Gervais
fairy godmother turned her rags into a gown, mice into horses, and
a pumpkin into endless lattes for her and her BFFs to enjoy.
• Old McDonald was dyslexic, I-E-I-E-O. —Billy Connolly
• And every six months, she would trade in her aging sheep for a new one. Because without a little lamb, Mary didn’t know who she was. —@andrewhibbard
• My wife said she wanted a “fairy-tale romance,” so I’ve locked her in a tower. —@tonycowards