1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. OK, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
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Happy One-year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…
You need to let that mango.
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my
@1followernodad (Sophia Benoit)
I spend three minutes every
day choosing a TV channel
to leave on for my dog. Then
I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.
A touching tribute to a waitress, spotted outside a local restaurant: "RIP Sandy. We will miss you. Server needed."
Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.