All pro athletes are
bilingual. They speak English and profanity.
Gordie Howe, hockey player
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“Dad?” —Zebra looking at a piano
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.—Fred Allen
I set out to play golf with the intention of shooting my age, but I shot my weight instead.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should’ve been more specific.
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
“What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?” I asked my husband. He thought for a minute before responding, “An optimist is the guy who created the airplane. A pessimist is the guy who created the parachute.”
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.