The four most beautiful words in our common language:
I told you so.
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Q. What did the Zero say to the Eight?A. "Nice belt!"
Never eat more than you can lift.
Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.—Henny Youngman
After 12 years of therapy,
my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo Inglés.”
Comedian Ronnie Shakes
I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was “Very Strong.”