I’ll Take Mine to Go
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Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
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I know it’s three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand.
Q: What do vegan zombies eat?
Hey, Lady! Want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of the purse.
Why are most horses in shape? Because they are on a stable diet.
My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?” —@KerryKatona7
Trail mix is just an inconvenient way to eat M&Ms.