Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
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Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
A: “Poor hunter!”
D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, pen, cell phone, temper, and my mind.
Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?
I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
1. Read about new diet
2. Spend $300 on vegetables
3. Commit publicly to diet on FB
4. Dive head first into plate of bacon