"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing."—George Carlin
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Q: What do you call a running turkey?
A: Fast food.
Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
Q: What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?
Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
A: Fowl weather!
Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.
Q: Why shouldn’t you look at the turkey dressing?
A: Because it will make him blush.
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.”—Erma Bombeck
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”—Jon Stewart