Wouldn't it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
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Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
Trail mix is just an inconvenient way to eat M&Ms.