The Write Stuff
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Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
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I’m coming out with a condensed phone book. It has only one number in it: 411.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me
everything you know.”
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her. Hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”
Brad Hamer, on ruminate.com
I once gave my husband the
silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”
from You’re Better Than Me
Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you’ll have nothing but a gross penny you found in some filthy parking lot.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.
My greatest acting performance is when I check the caller ID, then adopt an air of polite curiosity as
I answer the phone “Hello?”