Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
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I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.
The worst time to have a heart
attack is during a game of charades.
I don’t know how to speed-read. Instead, I listen to Books on Tape on fast-forward.
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?…Dam!
Taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack.
A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
The unsaid part of "This is fascinating!" is "to me."