I tell people I'm on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.
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What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.
A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.
Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: ‘a binge of jokes’?
Things just aren’t going to work out between us. It’s not you, it’s me. You are tasteless, boring, and I can’t stop cheating on you.
“I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.”—@sbellelauren
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody’s looking.