I tell people I'm on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.
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What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.
I’m on day 2 of a “diet” which means I’m always one minor annoyance away from eating every single person in my office.
I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
Never go back for seconds… get it all the first time.
“If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting.”—@JimGaffigan
I know it’s three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale? A balanced meal.