"I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories."—@sbellelauren
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How do most people curb their appetite? At the drive thru window.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
Ladies – want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of your purse.
Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand.
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
It’s hard to lose weight when you have an overactive knife and fork.
It took a lot of willpower, but I finally gave up dieting.
You have a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Slim-Fast for lunch; then, you eat a “sensible dinner.” How sensible are you going to be after eating powder all day?