No-sense Sensor

A police officer pulled over a guy for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walked up to the driver’s window and asked, “You drinkin’?”

The driver said, “You buyin’?”

A customer walked into our insurance office looking for a quote. But first I had to lead her through a litany of questions, including: "Marital status?" "Well," she began, "I guess you could say we’re happy-as … Read More

Although I knew I had put on a few pounds, I didn’t consider myself overweight until the day I decided to clean my refrigerator. I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in to wipe the back wall.

While I was in this … Read More

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”

—Marlene Bambrick, Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Sixteen years is a long time. That’s how far the photo of my husband—looking slim and fit in his Marine Reserve uniform—goes back. Today, he’s about 100 pounds heavier, so it was understandable when my friend’s son asked who it … Read More

Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three copies of 
an office key. The guy returned ten minutes later with the copies … which he’d made on the Xerox machine.

Gordon Knight, Stamford, Connecticut

In honor of Memorial Day, the teacher I worked with read the Constitution to her third-grade class.

After reading “We the people,” she paused to ask the children what they thought that meant.

One boy raised his hand and asked, “Is that … Read More

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and candy last Easter when her six-year-old woke up to all the booty and shouted, “This is the best Christmas ever!”

Chris McDonough, Wilmington, Delaware