A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts.
“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.
“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”
Angelo Giordano, Bellevue, Nebraska
• We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. It took the poor guy all day. —benSavageGardenState
• Our squad leader was yelling at a soldier when he abruptly stopped and said, “I’m done yelling at you. It doesn… Read More
Mark Twain warned: “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” The same can be said for these English-challenged notes doctors wrote on patient charts:
“The patient is married but sexually active.”
“When … Read More
As I entered the elevator at our hospital, a disheveled- looking man rushed in behind me carrying a ceramic blue baby bootie filled with carnations.
I smiled knowingly and asked, “Does he look like you?”
“I hope not,” he … Read More
A few weeks back, I went to the hardware store and bought an ax to use on an overgrown shrub. I put the ax in a bag and went a few doors down to the grocery store, where I bought two bottles of wine. As the clerk placed the wine in the … Read More
During a visit with my grandmother, my husband noticed a birthday card from a local funeral parlor.
“That was nice of them,” he said.
She was unimpressed. “They only want me for my body,” she grumbled.
Carmen Schmeiser, Normal, Illinois
My wife received a credit-card application in the mail that she had not requested. She didn’t want it, but I did. So I crossed off my wife’s name on the form, entered my own and returned the application. I soon got a phone call from a woman… Read More
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and … Read More
My husband and I were relaxing on lounge chairs on a Jamaica beach, half listening to a couple walking ankle deep in the clear water. The woman was extolling the beauty of the island when suddenly she let out a scream.
“Oh!” she … Read More
