No-sense Sensor

As I headed into a liquor store, a colonel came out carrying two bags. I snapped to attention and saluted. The colonel responded in kind. The result: the soul-crunching sound of both bags crashing to the sidewalk. As liquor seeped into the … Read More

My son was born while I was serving abroad, so he was three 
before we met. When I got home, I decided it was time for a little father-son bonding time. I bought him a 
toy razor and invited him to “shave” with me. In the bathroom, … Read More

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

Carol Burks, Providence, Rhode Island

I was in our local VA hospital when a clerk began scolding a veteran who’d lit up a cigarette in a no-smoking area. "Sir!" she barked. "When did you start smoking?" The conversation came to a halt when he replied… Read More

I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. 
My mom e-mailed all my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of “morning sickness.” Thanks, Mom.

Source: fmylife.com

When I bought beer at the 
grocery store, the clerk asked for 
my birthdate.

I said, “10-3-60.”

Her next question: “Is that ‘19’ 60?”

David Phenix, Columbia, South Carolina

Scene: Our break room. Coworker #1 pulls out a bottle of vitamins.

Coworker #2: What’s that?

Coworker #1: Vitamin D.

Coworker #2: Why do you take that?

Coworker #1: Because we live in Ohio, and we never see the sun.

Coworker #2: Wait… Read More

In Top Gun, Tom Cruise’s call sign was the very apt Maverick. In real life, Air Force pilots’ handles are also 
often appropriate—but definitely 
not as cool. Like these:

Boomer: Accidentally broke sound barrier over a … Read More