Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody's looking.
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Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?
A: “Bad hunter!”
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
If you are what you eat … I need to eat a skinny person.
Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
“If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting.”—@JimGaffigan
Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.