On the Sidelines

When my 15-year-old son, Pat, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, “Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!” After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on … Read More

As a high-school football coach, I’m aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. A fellow coach, Bob, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn’t home… Read More

The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most 
complicated things that every guy understands no matter how dumb he is.

—Julian McCullough

Bacon was definitely the 
first-round draft pick in the BLT. No one’s building a sandwich around lettuce.

—@joshgondelman

The topic of my student’s essay was the importance of trust, camaraderie, and toughness among football 
players. “After all,” he wrote, “you don’t want a bunch of pre-Madonnas out there on the field.”

Michele Metcalf, Louisville, Kentucky

I already regret my choice of Juilliard to win the NCAA.

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

Q. Why shouldn’t you marry a tennis player?

A. Because Love means nothing to them.