On the Sidelines

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave him his business card and told him to stop by for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and handed it to him. The … Read More

The boating store was having a big sale on canoes. It was quite the oar deal.

Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game. "What a terrible day," he tells his wife. "Harry dropped dead on the tenth tee." "Oh, that’s awful!" she says. "You’re not kidding," says Fred. &… Read More

My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. He set it up in the basement but didn’t use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom. It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room.

Weeks later I asked how … Read More

When the patient was wheeled into the emergency room, I could tell he was out of it. I asked if he knew the date. He didn’t. "Do you know what season it is?" He thought a moment. "Baseball?"

On a Saturday afternoon when football fever was running high in South Bend, Indiana, a Notre Dame student was brought into the hospital where I was on duty as a nurse. He had acute appendicitis, and as I prepared him for surgery I asked if … Read More

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

Bob Hope

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die.

Comedian Demetri Martin