A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
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Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?
I know it’s three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
Q. What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.
When someone asks me if I quit my diet… not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy Twinkies.
Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!