One Day Diet
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A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
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Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He’ll dessert you.
I wish I hated pizza as much as pizza hates me.
A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, pen, cell phone, temper, and my mind.
If you are what you eat … I need to eat a skinny person.
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!
Things just aren’t going to work out between us. It’s not you, it’s me. You are tasteless, boring, and I can’t stop cheating on you.