Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
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Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I set out to play golf with the intention of shooting my age, but I shot my weight instead.
I told the kids I never want to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from
a bottle. So they unplugged my
computer and threw out my wine.
Submitted by Beverly McLaughlin,
Oh man, just did some serious cleaning in here. You could
totally eat off this table.
Matthew O’Brien @mattOB34
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
You’re sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document from 1993?
“I have a beard.” —a bald-faced liar