Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?
A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
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Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible.
Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.