Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, but where do you get your protein!?
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How do most people curb their appetite? At the drive thru window.
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying “I ate nachos,” I say “I accidentally ate nachos.”
I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
It took a lot of will power. But I finally gave up dieting.
Every time I make plans to eat better, I can hear my stomach laughing.
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody’s looking.
Q. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.
Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?