I'm on day 2 of a "diet" which means I'm always one minor annoyance away from eating every single person in my office.
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The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.
I’m not fat, but I’m not thin either. I’m at a point where you can definitely tell I like chocolate cake.
Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: ‘a binge of jokes’?
Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
I’m going to open up a low carb bakery and I’m going to call it No Bun Intended.
I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
Diet tip: Your pants won’t get too tight if you don’t wear any.