I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
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“Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up,” said no one ever.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza.
Q: What was the most popular weight-loss trend in the Holy Roman Empire?
A: The Diet of Worms.
-By Sam Benson Smith-
I gave up jogging for health reasons.
My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
Nutritionist: You should eat 1,200 calories a day.
Me: OK, and how many a night?
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff.
It’s enough to make a mango crazy.