Twisting Words
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment…
My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough.
At least, that’s what it says in her diary.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment…
I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me, but he stood me up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.
But when I got home the tables were turned.
“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.
“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”
Art Flagel, Benton Harbor, Michigan
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more.
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. OK, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
@Ristolable
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.
She didn’t know I existed.
One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.
@MichelleIsAWolf (Michelle Wolf)