My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough.
At least, that’s what it says in her diary.
During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend … Read More
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…
You need to let that mango.
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.
I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.
Sam Morril
One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.
@MichelleIsAWolf (Michelle Wolf)
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.
She didn’t know I existed.
Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
Wife: “What does that mean?”
Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
Husband: “I’m… Read More
The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”
My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”
I said, “My truck.”
