My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough.
At least, that’s what it says in her diary.
My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him:
• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.
• I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth … Read More
Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”
“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.
“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”
Art Flagel, Benton Harbor, Michigan
One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.
@MichelleIsAWolf (Michelle Wolf)
I gave my date a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.
My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo.
Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.
My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”
Matthew Cole, Plant City, Florida
