If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.—Dorothy Parker
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Hell hath no fury like a woman who has accidentally napped.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
In Heaven, you get back all the Chapsticks you lost.
I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Submitted by Adam Joshua Smargon, Newark, Delaware
Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
Can a 3-D printer make ink
cartridges for a 2-D printer?
Comedian Joe Mande
Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy.
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.