Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg.
Phil was driving down a country road late one night when he felt a big thud. He got out of the car and looked around, but the road was empty. Since there was nothing else to be done, Phil drove on home. In the morning the sheriff was standing at his doorstep. "You're under arrest for hitting a pig and leaving the scene," the lawman told him with a frown. "Please come with me."
Phil couldn't believe his ears. "But how could you possibly know that's what happened?" he asked.
"It wasn't hard," the sheriff replied. "The pig squealed."