Steve Martin on Success
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Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have way.
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I’m coming out with a condensed phone book. It has only one number in it: 411.
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it’s real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries.And a second later, you’re like, “Damn, I could have had a car.”
If you’re the sole survivor of the Apocalypse, go to your gym. There’ll be somebody at the locker right next to yours.
@bazecraze (Alex Baze)
… I was in a coma for two years, until a nurse played one of
his songs on the radio in my room, and I had to wake up
to turn it off.
A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.
Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
Comedian Matt Wohlfarth
As my mom has said, when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet.