Stick to One Serving

My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni

How do most people curb their appetite? At the drive thru window.

Things just aren’t going to work out between us. It’s not you, it’s me. You are tasteless, boring, and I can’t stop cheating on you.

Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: ‘a binge of jokes’?

Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?

She heard you could get thinner there.

Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don’t know, but where do you get your protein!?

Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
A: It hasn’t been tested on mice.

What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.