Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. —"Laugh Yourself Healthy," by Charles Hunter
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What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley
I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
1. Read about new diet
2. Spend $300 on vegetables
3. Commit publicly to diet on FB
4. Dive head first into plate of bacon
I tell people I’m on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.