Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. —"Laugh Yourself Healthy," by Charles Hunter
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Every time I start a diet I hear the Mission Impossible theme song in my head.
Never go back for seconds… get it all the first time.
Trail mix is just an inconvenient way to eat M&Ms.
Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?
The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
“If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting.”—@JimGaffigan
Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.