I ate a gluten-free, lactose-free, low-carb pizza for dinner tonight. (It was a raw tomato.)
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Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? Someone told him to get a long little doggy.
Q. What did the Zero say to the Eight?A. "Nice belt!"
“Ohhh, bless you … Bless you … Riiiight. Because you’re special air.” —A burp to a sneeze
Comedian Andrew Hibbard
My greatest acting performance is when I check the caller ID, then adopt an air of polite curiosity as
I answer the phone “Hello?”
Old daredevils never die; they just get discouraged.
What do you mean, I didn’t win? I ate more wet T-shirts than anyone else.
Some sad news from Australia … the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Ever wonder who the genius is who decided to put fire hydrants in all the good parking spots?