Q: What do you call it when someone steals your morning coffee?
A: A mugging.
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Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.
Q: How does Moses make his coffee?
A: He brews.
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
Q: How are men like coffee?
A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
New word: Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.
Q: How does a tech guy drink coffee?
A: He installs Java!
Q: What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?
A: Déjà brew