I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning. That way, I get to sleep in.
James Knowles, on topfive.com
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Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!
Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive if you want to meet him."
Our 25-year-old son moved back home with an eye toward socking away money to buy a condo. We never bothered asking how long he’d planned to stay, but I got a pretty good idea when I walked into his room recently. In the corner was a milk … Read More
Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? After they were caught, they finished each other’s sentences.
Little girl: I want cotton candy!
Mom: You can have some cotton candy after you eat something
Little girl: I want cotton candy now!
Mom: I said no, you’re going to have something healthy! How about a corn dog?
—Laura … Read More
Q. What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas?
A. “‘Tis the season to be jelly!”
Q: Where do you find reindeer?
A: It depends on where you leave them!
Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
A. “Season’s bleatings!”