I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
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Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Want to hear something terrible?
See? I told you it was tear-able.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Last week I called someone a watering hole but I meant well.
I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
Q. Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
A. It had too many sleepless knights.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.