I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
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My ceiling isn’t the best… But it’s up there!!!
Want to hear something terrible?
See? I told you it was tear-able.
Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of “in” is.
My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
Q. Why can’t you run through a campground?
A. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible.