I identify with football players because I know what it’s like to spend your whole life training for a large, jewel-encrusted ring.
Hoping to lose some weight, my wife told me she wanted to get an exercise bicycle. I reminded her that she had a very nice and rather expensive bike in the garage. She explained that she wanted a stationary one.
"Your bicycle has been stationary," I remarked. "That's why you need to lose ten pounds."